Ride Or Die Chicks: Are They Holding Their Men Down or Holding Themselves Back?




Ooh chile, if I got paid for every time I heard this title, baby, I wouldn’t have to look for tuition money… I would just pull it out my bra. I don’t think people understand the true meaning of a ride or die, and if they do, they don’t apply the title correctly to the situation.

First off, I have to thank my ace boon coon Yolanda for shedding this issue in the light. Now it’s time for me to dissect it and give you THAT REAL.


The term “ride or die” is pretty popular, and sometimes highly overused. Plainly, a “ride or die” is a woman who is willing to go above and beyond for her man, who will be there through the good and the bad, no matter the cost, nor the situation. The woman who will stand by her man when things get bad, even in attempts to try to protect him. Many ride or die’s  even resort to violence and/or drug slinging to support their man by all means necessary, or even in smaller cases, take a bid for them. The circumstances that different women will have all depend on what they choose to do.  For instance, in Ace Hood’s “Ride” [http://rapgenius.com/Ace-hood-ride-lyrics]  featuring Trey Songz, he wants his lady to stand by him solely so they can get out of the hood.  Versus Ja Rule’s “Down 4 U” [http://rapgenius.com/Ja-rule-down-4-u-lyrics ] featuring Charli Baltimore, Vita, and Ashanti, he asks whether his lady would bust her gun with him, lie to the feds when they come get him, and if he died, would she kill for him. Now like I said, every woman will have her own limit when it comes for what she will do for her man. To each his own.

The most popular connotation with the title “ride or die”, is the impression that the woman will hold their man down while he is incarcerated. Yep, that’s right up my alley. So if that earns me the “ride or die” title, so be it. Personally, I didn’t look at it as an option. It was only one choice to make when I was put in that situation, and I don’t regret it one bit.

But what women don’t understand is… being a “ride or die” DOES NOT entail you for constantly forgiving a man for hurting you and letting him slide back into the same position he had with you. Wake up and SMELL THE TEA!

Let me help you get yo life right quick.

Have you ever heard of the quote, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”? Honey, that same quote applies to everyday problems in a relationship. If you allow your partner to do the same things to you and EVERY TIME he f*cks up, you let him RIGHT back in, please tell me…. WHY WOULD THEY LEAVE? It’s like your allowing him OR HER (some ladies really are tramps) to go screw whatever their private part wants to dive in (or take in) and they can skip to their damn Lou and screw YOU. Be freaking smart!

You think sitting there and letting yourself be disrespected persistently is being a ride or die? You might as well stop singing “THESE N*GGAS WON’T HOLD ME BACK!” because that’s EXACTLY what you’re allowing your partner to do. If I got paid for every single story I’ve heard about an on and off couple STILL being together after five years and he/she won’t cut it off because “they have too much history”, I would pay ALL the strippers at the King of Diamonds by the MINUTE. You would rather lose your DIGNITY and SELF-RESPECT than lose some “history” that you hold so near and dear to your heart? Excuse the French, but that’s bullsh*t.

You females make me so sick about how “We not going nowhere” and “When you see him, just know that’s me”. So I suppose everyone knows that every time we see him, we DAMN sure don’t see you, but everyone BUT you. Be smart, play your part! As my gra Taylar would say, “Use your noodle!”

Sh*t isn’t that complicated. You probably still hold on because you are someone that just can’t stand to be alone. But babyyy, that’s a whole ‘nother blog post…


Bottom line, if you’re going to “ride” for your man, I hope you all sort those terms out before sh*t gets real. If you are going to stick by him when he just lost his job, play your part.  If you are going to help build him back up after losing everything, get those tools and get to building. If you have to pay some of the bills for a couple of months without having any animosity towards your partner, handle that fee. If you want to be his consoler and the only one he runs to, keep your arms wide open. If you have to sling coke and bust guns to constantly ride and prove your loyalty… just don’t shoot at me.  And even for the women like me… If you are going to unceasingly keep going to court dates, pay some of that commissary, keep that collect on your phone, and constantly write letters as much as you breathe, hold your man down. Don’t ride for a man who damn sure won’t ride for you. Especially a man who allows other women to ride him too….  This isn’t Stevie J’s bus.



Play your part and be smart.  Ride for a MAN who’s willing to ride that rollercoaster with you. No matter how many dips, tricks, drops and turns.


Now are you already seated by him on the passenger’s side, or are you seated in the backseat?



Monogamy: Is It Really For The Birds?

“Monogamy or whatever you call it

I’m starting to think it ain’t for everybody

Most of us is rushing into it anyways, you know what I’m saying..”


Listening to the few words Wale says on his most popular single “Bad” with Tiara Thomas, I thought about if I had a dispute to his statement but I realized that I couldn’t even say he was incorrect or that his statement was invalid. This leads me to something deep…


Now at first a lot of people were pretty foreign to the word, and quite frankly, most still are. Let’s be 100% correct on this, okay?

According to Merriam-Webster, “monogamy” is defined as the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime” and/or “the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time”. But can everyone really apply that to their lifestyle and not only have a commitment to their partner, but a commitment to monogamy?

 Alright, start sucking your teeth now. Start talking about how this isn’t possible and how you would never find yourself with only one person for the rest of your life. I’ll wait.


*slowly puts tea cup back onto the saucer*

Let’s be quite honest. A lot of you claim that monogamy isn’t for you because of the following reasons, and for each reason, I will go more into depth.

  1. I don’t have time for commitment
  2. I have been hurt too many times to be committed to someone again
  3. I would rather be by my damn self
  4. N*ggas Ain’t Sh*t/B*tches Ain’t Sh*t
  5. We don’t love these heauxs (peep my lingo, this means “h*es”)


I promise yall.. I am at my computer containing excitement because I’m really gonna let you all have it. Many of you trifling humans hit my last nerve with this ongoing debate.


  • I don’t have time for commitment.

Child, please. A wise woman always told me that you make time for what you want to make time for. Your pathetic excuse of “Nah, I don’t have time to be committed to one!” is just a cry of help saying that you are indeed scared. There is not one person on this planet that can tell me that relationships and actually being with someone does not cross their mind. And if I sat there and told you that I don’t do it myself, despite the way I sometimes feel about the opposite sex, I would lose all of my credibility right now. You have some employees in Corporate America and even owning their own firms, constantly circulating their life around their work, wealth, and huge success. Being buried into layers of straight paperwork and stress and the last thing on their mind is someone to share it with? Shut the front door and sit your happy a** on the couch because you really need a timeout for that one. I don’t care how much money you wipe your butt with after a hot spicy bowl from Chipotle or how much you sneeze from the haters that you claim you are allergic to, YOU WANT SOMEBODY. So MAKE the time for it. I always believed that money would hold me tight at night, but just because it feels good having it and spending it, doesn’t mean it’ll always be there. Try looking for something maybe a bit more permanent, and if it doesn’t end that way, then hey, on to the next one!

  •  I have been hurt too many times to be committed to someone again.

This is the quintessence of the song “Bad” by Wale. And you chicks are singing it like it’s your national anthem, but yall really don’t understand the true meaning of the song. If you’re quite lost or offended by that last statement, you can depict the meaning of the lyrics here, courtesy of Rap Genius: http://rapgenius.com/Wale-bad-lyrics

But I digress. I have been a victim to this popular reason of why I wouldn’t waste another second of my time into another male individual. Notice how I didn’t say a “man”. Quite frankly, it’s because I haven’t been with a real man, and I’m not ashamed to say so. But dealing with the males that I have spent time with in the past, I was able to say (back then) that I was truly too good of a woman to ever be committed to anyone again. Thus, this creates females who want to “think like a man” and do the things that “men” do. But what true benefit do you get from that? You are still acting out of spite and you’re really doing it for the wrong reasons, but this makes you feel better at night? Shoot, happy sleeping then. But what I came to realize, after almost twenty years of existence, is that I can’t keep blaming past mistakes on the next guy. I know, it’s “simple”. I can’t keep having the assumption that he will hurt me when I haven’t even given it a chance. And if I do want to blame every guy for the previous guys’ mistakes, I can bet money that they won’t stick around for it. What real man would? You are disrespecting his character and most of all the feelings that he has for you. Now even if he does end up hurting you, roll with the punches and let Karma do its work. At least you are showing yourself that you are trying, you are growing, and when faith is kept alive, more work will be put in. Stop making excuses just to cover up the patches that you have in your heart. Heal yourself, and then let someone help you along the way.

  •  I would rather be by my damn self.

First off, have several seats. I agree that there are designated time eras where one wants to just be alone. But for the rest of your life? Nah. I can preach on this because these words always flew out of my mouth just as fast as Kanye spewed “Beyoncé had the best video of all time!” at the VMA’s. Chile, I thought I was hot sh*t when I walked around with my nose in the air, degrading any male that walked my way and gave them the most stuck up attitude when they tried to “get at me”. I swore up and down that I wouldn’t need a man for sh*t and I would always get it on my own. Trust me, my personal friends can vouch for me. It was a very cold period in my life, but it was because I was really setting myself up for a life filled with resentment and bitterness; trying to duck the one thing I wanted the most. I’m a woman and I can be honest about my ways, and when you start to do that, the healing automatically skyrockets. As I stated before, all the money in the world can make you who you want to be and even bring you people that you want in your life, but it’ll never replace the deep insecurities and flaws that you still have within you. As much as women and men scream that the single life is where it’s at, just stop. It gets old. It gets redundant. And the thought of someone besides your family and friends caring about your well being is something as humans that we all desire. STOP FIGHTING IT. Be real with yourself! If you can’t do that, then how can you do that anyone? Live in a lie if you need to, but trust me, it’ll kill you.

  •  N*ggas Ain’t Sh*t/B*tches Ain’t Sh*t

I don’t even have to quote all the female and male rappers who constantly use this excuse to shield them from the kings and queens that they wish they could find AND keep. I am guilty of telling my closest friends that n*ggas didn’t amount to anything so why should they represent value into my life? You know what I then realized? That my number one problem was that I was giving my time to n*ggas, when I should have started paying men attention. Same thing goes for fellas, stop giving these b*tches attention and require a real woman to earn it. Stop REFERRING to yourself as just being a b*tch and/or a n*gga and DON’T YOU DARE slap a “nice” adjective in front of it to make YOURSELF feel better. You are what you call to! The sad thing is, you are calling yourself this but yet you tend to get mad at others for referring to yourself as such! GET YO LIFE! Stop LIVING LIFE like a b*tch/n*gga and maybe you would be treated as something much more! You want to blame the world for your problems when you are the main source of it all! So, if all it requires is a cheap b*tch with no self repect or a “real” n*gga with wads of cash to steal your heart, then I’m done talking. I’m done preaching to those who keep looking at life in an ignorant perspective. Yall don’t really hear me though. You look for the simplest thing walking so indeed that is WHAT you will get! Have your STANDARDS higher and maybe you wouldn’t have to SETTLE for a b*tch or a n*gga!

  •  We don’t love these heauxs!

I’ll keep this short.

  1. Yes, you do in fact love the heauxs.
  2. Everything you DO is for the heauxs.
  3. Therefore, you will attract heauxs.
  4. Your life will be surrounded by heauxs.
  5. Your money will be spent on the heauxs.
  6. Your swagg would all be a show for the heauxs.
  7. Your manhood can’t resist the heauxs.
  8. You’ll end up slipping up from dealing with the heauxs.
  9. Then you’ll realize that annoying woman you constantly ignored, was a woman with value who only wanted commitment with you.
  10. But you’re committed to the heauxs.
  11. You’ll call all women heauxs because that’s only what you’re exposed to.
  12. You’ve failed as a man, but succeeded with the heauxs.



Drop them comments. 

Waiting To Exhale? Girl, You Better Come Up For Air!



  Now as women, sometimes we do have this fantasy where we expect this nice, intelligent,  juicy lip, pretty teeth, six pack with a “magic stick”, sexy built physique, genuine “hustler” of a man to just come from the hilly tops of Good Man Land and swoon us, sweet us on down with his game, and even put a couple of Franklin’s in our purse. Let me pop your little fantasy balloon… POP! STOP DREAMING. That’s absolutely mistake numero UNO. Honestly speaking, I (yes, even ME) do have my expectations already pre-set and they sit pretty high on my bookshelf when it comes to that contradicting subject of love. But honey, only the wise will truly learn that having expectations for ANYONE is the number one way to be disappointed. That comes with family and friends too..Don’t  believe that someone will do something just because it’s for you or because that’s your “dawg” and that’s your “man”.  As my good friend Ty would say, “GET YO LIFE!” Nobody owes you anything in this life, so DON’T expect it!

*sips on my tea slowly but slyly*

Since we got that out of the way, lets chat about how becoming too comfortable will get you’re a** laid out..QUICK. It goes right back to the brief talk we just had about expectations. You get this impression that your man; and fellas, even your WOMAN (yes, that same down a** b**** who has been holding you down since middle school) won’t ever flip the script on you and that just gives you the right to do whatever the heck you want. Tuh. You better realize that nothing is promised to you, and sadly that could include commitment, honesty, loyalty, and all the main qualities that every individual should  look for in a partner. This goes for friendships as well. You really have to be careful with those. Many friends that you claim you have are looking like future CNN reporters, ready and willing to slander what they can just to have a good story and a better rep. Sneaky snakes in the grass, and baby they could be willing to get you’re a**..

But I digress.

On to my next point.. Dependence. This will back up my theory of women actually waiting to exhale from a man. Now, go back and read that sentence again. “..waiting to exhale from a man.” Umm, say what? Who justified that it was okay to allow a man to be the one to finally make you exhale? OKAY, I know what you’re thinking. “Dang, this girl better be a feminist!” “This dang ol men hating a** chick…” Yeah yeah, hold your assumptions. Trust, I have heard them all. The principle for that whole statement was to express how significant women make men in their lives instead of being that main significance for themselves. Some women and even some men depend too much on the actions of their partners and focus too much on what their partners can do for them. You see, there are many women who are actually willing to always but their partner first and end up getting lost in the whole damn relationship. Baby, that is NOT a relationship. Yes, I can preach about this all day long because I used to be that girl who always believed in doing the absolutely utmost ALWAYS for her man when she didn’t get sh*t in return. A relationship consists of two who are working together CONSTANTLY, SIMULTANEOUSLY…. or for the ratchet ones, *Future voice* AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! So if you ever feel like you’re in a relationship by yourself, chances are that you are indeed solo and somebody definitely did something wrong. Whether it be your partner, who got too comfortable and took advantage of you, or the blame being on you- where you allowed the act of being too comfortable to take over or maybe your dependence on your partner was just too strong.

See, that word… dependence.. it’s blatantly toxic. The fact that women and men just depend on the other countlessly just shows what type of backbone they really have. It’s understandable to not give someone your all in the midst of first encountering them, or even after the first couple of dates. You would be a fool if you did. But actually waiting for this man or this woman to do everything right before you can decide to exhale? Before you can “breathe again”,  just like Toni Braxton? It’s absurd! You better come back up to the surface of the water and get the oxygen your brain direly needs! The word “waiting” connects right with the word “expectations”, and what did I say about that? Don’t ever wait for someone to do right, because if they want to, they WILL and if they don’t, they WON’T. Waiting for things to go in your favor or even waiting for someone to do everything right is like waiting for Boris Kodjoe to ride on a stallion down a mountain in the wild jungles of Costa Rica and tell you to hop your horny butt on. It is NOT guaranteed! You have to have that “Que sera, sera” mentality. Whatever will be, will be. What is meant for you, will be yours! If he ain’t acting right, let it go! And if you think you waiting for something in particular gives you security that it will happen, then baby, you can continue to watch paint dry. What’s the point of being with someone if you’re every move is in a tip-toe like motion and you got to walk around everything like eggshells, hoping that nothing effs up?  Don’t be like Bernadine from the movie “Waiting To Exhale”. Honey waited to exhale when she found out what type of man she was with and she allowed that man to hold her breath captive when she should have been breathing all along! She snapped as quickly as she lit her husband’s car on fire and lit that cigarette right afterwards. Need to see that scene? View the video below.

Honey…Protect your lungs and swim back to the surface to really let yourself exhale. Let your exhale be from you & your decisions and not what a man has done to you! Don’t wait till it’s too late or you’ll self-destruct!



Ladies & Gents, leave those comments below! How did you like today’s tea?!

Hit me on the Twitter vibe: @OhEmGee_SoJuicy !

Shoot me an email at teabreeandbreathe@gmail.com and you could appear on the blog V.I.P. Tea style!


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