Welcome back, sippers! I know I usually make my appearances on Thursday evenings, but with the day I had yesterday… all I needed was a drink and my bed.
Early morning tea never hurt anybody, right? 🙂
Can you believe November is almost over? Jeez, the year pretty much flew by, and honestly, I’m ready for 2016.
I’m more ready for this semester to be over.
And definitely ready for graduation in May. Haaaaalllllleeeeeeluuuuujjjjjaaaaah. *insert praise break here*
Today’s tea features another issue that I have been asked to spotlight anonymously. And I will gladly do the job.
It’s closer to the holidays… Well heck, we are pretty much already head first into the holidays, especially with Thanksgiving being less than a WEEK away. Ladies, you if you tryna get thick like a thoroughbred, then y’all betta eat as good as I’m about to at the crib!
Why is it that around the holiday times of the year, that ladies and men focus so much on whether they have a significant other or not? When I often don’t understand things, I try to stick myself in the same situation and evaluate how I would feel.
Yes, a lot of love is shown during this time period, many tend to get engaged, and you hear the constant tales of “Oh my gosh, he bought me this!” and “Oh my lawd, he’s taking me here!”
To a single individual, I can see how it can be annoying.
But single folks like me, we can chew this and swallow it with no extra effort needed. Especially if you’re a vet in the single game. I’m talking, 3 years plus.
That’s where I land at. It doesn’t matter what time of the year it is. We’re chilling, we’ve been chilling, and we might get in our feelings every now and then about being so single, but we hold it down until it’s time to snatch somebody up.
But… For the ones who are in relationships… And I’m talking about those that have put some real time in.. I’m talking 3 years plus… What do you do when you… Plateau?
Is it a joint effort as to why and how a couple plateaus? Or could one person make the necessary actions to change a whole state of a relationship?
That’s debatable. I believe it could go both ways. I, however, believe that there is one reason, on the top of my list, as to why relationships that were once gold…. tarnish into another form.
I’m not saying this to shake you up
I’m just saying this to wake you up
It’s all good when we making love
All I ask is don’t take our love
For granted, it’s granted
My love for you, is real
Baby if you don’t love me
Somebody else will
So don’t you ever get too comfortable…
Lil Wayne created a hit, with a pretty impactful meaning.
There it is folks. I believe that my Sistah is going through the motions because of two main reasons:
- Her man became too comfortable.
- She allowed her man to remain comfortable.
I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years, and I can say, it’s easy to spot the signs of your significant other becoming comfortable, but it’s up to that individual to allow the behavior or nip it in the bud.
Here’s the scenario:
Sistah Girl (we’ll just call her Sistah- all my ladies who ask me to spotlight anonymously will be addressed as this) has been with her man for going on 5 years. Beautiful, right?
Her man has been sweet and kind to her over the years; taking her out, traveling together, keeping up communication, and even keeping it spicy in more ways than she could imagine. Once upon a time, this man made her knees weak, made seduction filled chills slither up and down her spine, and he kept her mind only fulfilled of him, what he does, and what he says he will do for her and to her.
Sistah fell into a deep whirlpool of something more than lust. Before he secreted his magic potion from his love gun, Sistah treated him like the average guy. He was persistent yet cool, and he obviously did what he had to do to have Sistah snatched up by him, for him. She convinced everyone around her that they were soul mates, and never hid her love of him from the world.
Sistah was proud. Sistah was a woman with her emotions out to see and conceive. Sistah had her nose wide open, much more than the two legs she walked with, and much harder than the knees she’s bruised from praying for that man every single day and night. Sistah felt more of a woman knowing that she had him by her side, and she took more pride that she was never on the side. He wined and dined her, and made her fall even more after each intimate kiss. Her feelings were building up to form a rapture, something more like an entrapment that she never wanted to be free of. The bass and command in his voice made her eyes wide shut and womanhood tremble. Sistah had a man. Sistah was gonna keep her man.
As the years went on, Sistah’s dry eyes became moist- that was probably the only thing on her body to do so. Her man wasn’t the same man she happened to snag some years ago. She always stayed home, while he went out and played in the streets, and often, he never had to ask her what they were having to eat. Makeup on his shirt, and different scents on his body began to become potent as she struggled to hold on. She once used to sprint to the mall to find a new outfit, or get a new lipstick that would complement her skin. She no longer desired to keep her flipped like he used to adore, cause he used to pay her attention.
Sistah wanted to stay in love so badly, but she simply had no one to stay in love with. She watched her man reveal layers to him that he had never made visible before. She thought she knew her man inside out. Clothing him, cooking his favorite meals, and knowing how he exactly liked to get serviced, we’re not the same things that were keeping him home.
He became metamorphic in her eyes, and it wasn’t for the better.
Her man was getting worse, while her intuition and mind were getting better.
She knew what was happening, and the more she thought about how it was going down, she mentally drowned in the quicksand of what was left of their relationship.
She turned a blind eye to obvious things, and for the sake of love she didn’t disturb the peace.
Anything that he did before to catch her, he clearly wasn’t doing to keep her.
He was comfortable.
And Sistah was allowing him to remain comfortable.
I place this hot tea cup in my hand, and place it under her nose.
Wake up and smell the tea!
If you noticed that you are seeing more valleys than peaks in your relationship, why not speak on it? Before you decided to commit to this man, and him commit to you, there was a basis of communication that existed. Now that you are in a situation where you need the communication, the cat- not the one you put on him- has evidently got your tongue.
Don’t be foolish for any antics that a man tries to present to you. Don’t be naive to what is happening right in front of you.
If you ever feel like you have to tip toe around a man, and in your relationship, you probably have reached the near and dear end to it all.
There’s no way I will be a prisoner of war for love. There’s no way that when I’m hurt, I’m in hush mode. There’s no way that when a man has treated me like a queen, I will act as a peasant as he does what he now pleases.
It seems you, my Sistah, has gotten comfortable too.
Is that love to you? I think self-preservation is what needs to go on today, as my girl Candi Staton would sing.
Don’t be no fool when love really don’t love you…
Holding on to the years is easy to do. The real challenge is measuring your worth and if the relationship is even worth it.
Sistah, do you what you got to do. You see him stepping out, coming home when the sun rises, and doesn’t do anything to pamper you or make you feel loved too. You’re sticking out your neck for a man who slowly doesn’t even acknowledge you.
I can’t tell you what to do, but I can only suggest what might be best for you.
Move on like Mya.
Sippers, I’ll hold you to the same advice I’m anonymously dishing to Sistah, because the lesson is universal.
There are consequences in comfortability.
Choose your solutions wisely.
Sistah, I hoped that I’ve help to paint a realistic point of view to you to decipher. All the best. ❤
Thanks for tuning in to another week of tea, my lovelies. For the holiday, I’ll be spending it with my family just as you all will! Therefore, I’ll meet you all right back here on the week of December 1st.
Have a safe and food filled holiday! Check y’all next month.