Welcome back, tea sippers!
I thought sharing last week’s post “Blind Date Blues” would give you all a chuckle here or there, but I see that it was comical to you all just like it is for me now. I mean, really, could you imagine?!
I don’t discourage blind dates, but I know for a fact that they are not for me. It’s funny, because who knows, it could be a blind date that leads me to the man of my dreams.
Whatever path my future man plans to take, I just hope I’m well-mannered and mentally prepared for the ride. 🙂
As you all know, I like to consider myself a guru of knowledge, especially when it comes to that thing called relationships. Some like to say I’m an expert, but I don’t know everything under the sun.
But the things I do know, I make sure to share.
Before we begin, I have to give a shoutout to all my new readers. Welcome to Tea, Bree, and Breathe! Most of my sippers call the blog TBB. I met quite a few of my new sippers this week, and you all are really awesome. Once again, thank you to ALL my readers for supporting and please, keep sipping! Tell a friend to sip too 🙂
Let us continue.
None Or Your Friend’s Business…Or The World, At That
Here’s a question for thought: As a person, what all is off limits to disclose? That could include your personal issues, your relationship, your family, school life, career, or even the dreams you store in your head and heart that you want to make true.
I don’t share my business- I share my experiences. Can you see the difference in the two?
I don’t mind disclosing what could help the next person. Hence, that’s one of the reasons I brought this baby to life.
Let’s go back to the different things that could be off limits for someone to disclose about themselves.
Out of all the things I named, do you know which one is the one that is almost always at the top of the list?
Sometimes, it is women who don’t want to disclose that they have a man in their life, for reasons of their own.
Not to be bias, but primarily, its men who do it the most, and are the best at doing it.
A few reasons include….
“I like my relationships low-key.”
“Everybody don’t gotta know.”
“What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.”
“I don’t want nobody to sabotage what we got.”
“The less people, the better.”
“I don’t like everybody in my business.”
Sounds about right.
However, I am here to debate this: When does one cross the line in between “not having anyone in their relationship business” and “not acknowledging or showing that fact that you are in a relationship”?
Because you know, there is a difference.
How long can you be with your significant other and actually keep them a secret?
See, that’s the issue there. Why should it be a secret?
What you guys do could be considered a “secret”. What you guys have been through as a couple is something else that you two would want or already do to consider it a “secret”.
But being in that actual relationship? I wouldn’t hold it as a secret.
This could be much debated -and I always welcome healthy debates- but if I’m in a relationship that I am and have been committed to, I don’t see anything positive with harboring that as a secret.
If we are together, we are together. I see it as a sign of disrespect if a man was to ever tell me not to discuss him or the fact that I was simply in a relationship with him.
Do not get me wrong. It’s one thing for a partner to talk about personal things in the relationship that only should be between them two. I am an advocate for keeping my business between my partner and I, always.
However, I will not hide the fact that I am in a relationship. For what? Why be with someone and you feel as though you have to hide that? Fellas would say “I don’t want everybody in my business” or “I don’t want anybody getting at my girl.”
That’s bullshit. Stop being insecure that another man will try to “get at your girl”.
If you are taking care of business, that would never have to be your concern.
I mean really, why hide that you have found somebody amazing and you all have decided to be committed to each other? My goodness, is that a crime?
I would be proud to be in a relationship with someone that is good to me. Not saying I would boast and show off because of it, but you would see the joy in me. I wouldn’t hide that sunshine in my skies.
Now if you want to know what time my man came over, if he slept over, which one of his t-shirts I went to sleep in, and how he made my eggs in the morning, that my friend, is none of your business, your friend’s business, or the world, at that.
Now run and tell that.
Now what about social media? Seems like everyone has a least one form of it. How do you feel about sharing your relationship on social media sites?
You’ll have those same fellas reason that they still don’t want anyone in their business.
You’ll even have some fellas who would feel strongly if you were to post a picture of them on your social networks.
Quite frankly, ladies could be a little different with this one. Some of us want to be the #WCW, and we can’t wait to display our #MCM when the time is right.
Chile, I haven’t really been in a relationship to where I would have the feel or need to post any pictures of my partner or us together on social media. If you a reader of TBB, you will know that Twan was my last relationship, and when I did post a picture of him and us, I was in a heap of mess because when it came to posting pictures, so was the rest of his girlfriends.
That doesn’t discourage me though. When I feel like you are committed to me and only me, and I can see that and feel that, it is then that I would share you with my world publicly.
I feel that women and men should really think about that. Once this person has proved that they are down for you and only you, would that give you enough reason or comfort to share them in another way?
Look, there are many people I have talked to and dated since my last relationship.
Have you seen them?
No, because they did not reach that level to where I had enough reason to share them into my world. They did not reach relationship material.
Everyone is NOT worthy of that, so do not give them access!
Check me out. A relationship should be limited to where everyone isn’t in your business, yes. However, it should NOT be a secret that you are in a relationship. You do not have to post pictures of your partner all day and everyday (cause nowadays that doesn’t mean anything), but universally, all across the board, it should be evident that you are in a committed relationship and that you have a woman or man in your life. Period.
If you partner gets offended or highly defensive when it comes to the general disclosure that you all are in a relationship, chances are, your partner is hiding something.
Which is why, subliminally, they want to hide you.
If that’s the case, I’m sure you can play hide and go seek by your damn self.
Find another that will be proud of you and what you two have.
Know the difference. Pay attention to signs. Communicate with your partner.
Even if these tasks alone are difficult to do, my goodness, he or she might be hiding you.
Some things are not your friend’s business, or the world’s business to know.
But if a man is going to be with me, he will not walk around single. Women will not refer to him as a single man. They don’t have to know me personally, but they will know that he is accounted for.
And if a man has a problem with me because of that, then that wasn’t my man to begin with.
Know your worth. Are you a precious gem that the rays of light cannot see?
Not I. I’m a proud gem and I will shine at all times.
Your partner should want you to shine. But if they decide to play the role of dark clouds, there are other skies that you can seize. There are other lands where you can roam free.
Know your worth.
All comments and healthy debates are welcome. I was inspired to write this post because I have a friend, who will remain anonymous, that currently has a man who she has been with for almost a year, and he doesn’t want her to post anything about him or them at all. He doesn’t want their relationship or the fact that they are together discussed or mentioned. He has even said that if she was to post a picture of him or them, he wouldn’t take pictures with her anymore.
Consider this my piece of advice to you and the world, my friend.
I hope you take it, apply, reflect, and deduct. In that order.
And for those who needed this message as urgently as her, I am sure that I have fulfilled that purpose.
firstname.lastname@example.org can be used for all inquiries, personal one on ones, and as an anonymous advice sanctuary. If there is something you would love to see me write on publicly, I am all ears… and fingers.
I hope you enjoyed tonight’s post.
Until next week.