Happy Wednesday, tea sippers!
I think last week’s post, “One Minute Man”, came at a perfect time. Not only for me because these were recent events in my life, but for you all as well, because many of you could relate- especially my ladies. Some of you have also admitted to being that actual “One Minute Woman” that I described.
Throughout it all, with anything in life, I think it is always best to stay vocal. Many people don’t like to think about certain things so much, but putting thoughts into actual actions can make a world of a difference. Thinking things through, in my opinion, is one of the main things that you can do to stay true to yourself and maintain it within yourself.
However, experience is always the best teacher.
Tonight’s tea features another edition of “Bree’s Personal Tea”. I think you all enjoy these posts the most, because as usual, they are real experiences that have occurred in my life, and almost always, someone can take something from it and apply into their life.
My very first edition was “Bree’s Personal Tea: The Matrimony.” If you need a refresher, I suggest reading that post to get the feel of where I might go with it tonight. It will be lengthy, so I suggest you get comfy. This will also be broken into two parts, so this is your warning of a possible cliffhanger- don’t be mad at me! It’s a writer’s thing J
Everyone has heard of Bonnie & Clyde, and most know, or should know, their story.
Many of you may be more familiarized with The ’03 Bonnie & Clyde; that being Hov & Bey.
Allow me to reintroduce myself.
In 2012, I was Brittany.
I still was Bree.
But I took on a new role, a new name, a new persona, a new fame.
I was Bonnie.
’12 Bonnie & Clyde
I was 18 years old.
And I was out here doing the damn thing.
I had broken up with Quad, and that relationship was long gone.
Throughout that time I had sworn off of dudes, but found myself entangled right back in the field of men.
If you read “So Unpretty”, I mentioned a character very briefly that I said you would hear about later on.
That “later” is now.
He was Twan.
And when I say you couldn’t tell me nothing about him, you could not say one word.
We began as friends. He was convenient because he gave me a dude’s perspective on everything.
My head spinned into a whirlwind soon after, because the next thing I knew, he was already my guy.
Ever got into something way too fast?
I felt as if I was living fast, and not feeling like I would die young.
But I did, eventually.
It began as long distance. I was still into my freshman year at my university while he was back in my hometown in school.
Christmas Break, I had my first job at Marshalls. Whenever I got a chance to talk to Twan, best believe I was on the phone. Taking the call through headphones and all. And many days after I would get off of work, it wasn’t too long until we were hand in hand, just chilling.
Until one day, I didn’t hear from him.
And then the next day, I still couldn’t reach him.
And then Christmas came, I didn’t get a Merry Christmas.
Three days straight, and nothing from the dude I called my dude.
I sighed as I tried dialing his number again that Christmas night. I was surrounded by my family at our annual Christmas celebration at my great-grandmother’s house. It wasn’t the same anyway; she had passed away just two months earlier in October.
I began to grow anxious because now the phone wouldn’t even ring. It had some weird message on it, basically telling me to stop calling me because the caller isn’t available.
I had to go to work at Marshalls the next day, and I couldn’t even do my duties right as a cashier because Twan and his whereabouts were the only things on my mind. Not merchandise. Not money. Not even my lunch break.
I instantly thought that he could be one of three things: In the hospital, in jail, or dead.
My mind didn’t want to wonder anymore.
After work, I drove to his mother’s house.
This would be the first time that she would meet me.
I didn’t care how crazy I looked or sounded; I wanted to know what happened to her son.. I wanted to know what happened to my boyfriend.
I cleared my throat as I knocked on the door mildly.
A woman who looked a bit distraught opened the door, slightly confused.
“Hello.” I started lowly. I began to raise my voice a little. “My name is Brittany. Um, I am not sure if you know who I am… I am a close friend of Twan’s.” I didn’t want to say girlfriend, for a fear of hearing that someone else may have been in that spot.
“Hi, Brittany. I’m Les.” She warmly smiled.
“Hi.” I half-smiled. “Ms. Les, is Twan alright? I have been trying to contact him for the past three days and I’m not hearing anything from him.”
She sighed and looked down at my work uniform. She sized me up from the shortcut wig I had on my head to the penny loafers I had on my feet.
“He’s in jail.” She stated flatly.
I gasped sharply as I held on to the railing that was on the front porch. “Jail…” I murmured.
“Yeah, he has gotten into some trouble. So, I spent this Christmas without my son.”
I looked down. “Wow, um, I’m sorry, Ms. Les.” I began to grow shy as I continued this rather awkward conversation with her.
“Oh, don’t apologize, sweetie. I will be okay, and so will his family.” She then reached for my hand. “And so will you.”
I couldn’t hide the sadness and disappoint on my face. My mind was racing trying to figure out what the hell did he do to land in custody.
“Um.” I fumbled in my purse for a pen and a scratch piece of paper. “I don’t know if you will go and visit him soon, but if you do, do you mind giving him my phone number?” I started to write the digits on the paper with a slight shaking in my handwriting.
“That’s no problem, Brittany.” She smiled and took the piece of paper from me. “I’ll be seeing him on Wednesday.”
I ran my fingers through my hair as my heart began to beat faster. “Okay, thank you so much. I really appreciate this.”
“No, I really appreciate you coming and checking on my son. I will be sure to tell him that, especially.”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” I lied.
“Here, take my number as well.” I pulled out my cell phone as she recited her phone number, and she went into the house to get her phone so I could input mine. We chatted for a few more minutes, and I was soon on my way home, trying not to beat my brain any harder than I had been doing the last four days.
Little did I know, this would be the beginning of a very special relationship between Ms.Les and I.
Wednesday was here. I was off from work, and I frantically paced around my house wondering if he would get my number today, and if he did, would he call.
Katia, who I grew up with and who I consider as my younger blood sister, was supposed to be coming over later that evening to do my hair. I was kinda like her test dummy back then, cause baby can lay some hair down now!
It was around 1:30PM when my phone rang, and it was a number I didn’t recognize.
At this time I had a raggedy HTC phone, so I would have to slide up to answer the call.
The only problem was… sometimes it would work, and sometimes my screen would freeze.
And just my luck, the screen froze as I tried to slide up to answer this foreign call.
I knew it had to be him.
I ended up missing the call, almost certain that it was from him. I then received a voicemail notification.
I quickly dialed my voicemail’s number to see who this was that just called.
The message started halfway through.
“Call from… Twan…Baby, pick up. To accept this, please pre-“
“Damn!” I screamed. I didn’t even know how this jail phone shit worked.
I quickly tried to call back the number, which of course, did not work.
I googled the number which lead me to a webpage where I then needed to set up an account and place money on it, that way I could accept phone calls that came from him.
I searched to see what the minimum was I could place on the account, just until I got paid later that Friday. The minimum was $30.00.
“Fuck.” I said, clenching my fist. I didn’t have much money, and I wasn’t gonna ask anyone for it, but I ended up paying the $30.00 because in my eyes, this was a priority.
18 years old, doing the damn thing.
I instantly got mad because of this situation he was currently putting me through. I called Katia angry and on the brink of tears, where she consoled me, and told me to hold it together until I spoke with him directly.
It was now around 7:00PM, and Katia was beginning to glue on my tracks for a new style I was trying; the Nicki Minaj bang and bob.
My phone began to ring.
It was the same number that tried to reach me earlier in the afternoon.
“HELLO!” I screamed when I was finally able to slide up and answer the phone.
“Hello. You have a call from… “Twan, baby girl please pic-”…..If you would like to accept this call, please press one now.”
I pressed the hell out of that 1 button.
Katia seen what was going on and closed my bedroom door that we were in so my momma wouldn’t hear this conversation I was gearing up to have with him.
“Hello!” He spoke.
“Hi, baby!” I exclaimed.
“Hey, hey girl. Look I can-“
“Man, where are you? Why are you there?”
“Britt, I messed up. I slipped into some deep shi-“
“No!!” I screamed, almost throwing my phone.
“Girl, what is wrong with you?” Katia questioned.
“The fucking call dropped!” I said, getting off my knees. “He needs to call my ass back.”
“Chill out, he will!” Katia yelled.
“I’m going outside until he does.” I slipped on my bedroom slippers and exited my home with uneven tracks flying all over my head. I sat on the porch and clenched my jaw as I continued to wait.
And then the call came.
I followed the prompts that would eventually become familiar to me, finally hearing his voice at the very end.
“Why are you there?” I asked immediately.
He proceeded to tell me the story of what landed him in jail. For confidentiality purposes, I will not go into detail about what happened. All I can tell you is that it did not involve death or drugs, he had a co-defendant, and that nobody was talking.
The severity of what the case was had me taken a back. I knew there would be a question he would ask me before we got off this call, and I was wondering what my answer would be.
“Look. I don’t know when I am getting out of here. Ma, you gon hold us down or what?”
Whoop, there it is.
Fuck! Out of all things that has happened to me, I never expected this to be next. Ever. This is my guy, my dude, I can’t leave him high and dry….
You have one minute remaining.
“Alright, boo. We gotta wrap it up. They are gonna cut this shit off real soon.”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.”
“Brittany, you got me? You got us? Can you handle this?”
I bit my cheek as I heard… You have 30 seconds remaining.
“Yes.” I stated firmly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I believe in me, you, and us together. Okay?”
I shook my head. “Don’t worry. Just do what you gotta do.”
“Hold me down, baby. I love you.”
Your call has ended.
If I could snatch out these tracks that were glued down, I would. I felt on edge, happy, sad, angry, loved, and disappointed all at the same time.
Bonnie was now my name.
I was 18 and doing the damn thing…
My phone stayed glued to my hip at all times.
I used to leave my phone in the locker at work, but forget that, wherever I went, it went, too.
Luckily, he never seemed to call when I was at work, which was a good thing on my part. I didn’t have to risk anything.
It started with him calling once every two days, and sometimes I heard from him twice in a day.
It started to take a toll on me because there would never be a time that I would be able to call him when I felt like.
He was controlled. I was controlled.
And soon enough, none of this shit became easy.
The weekend I was supposed to take the bus back to my university for Spring semester to start was here.
We got into the worst argument and those were the worst two days of my life.
At this time, I tried to be friends with Quad. Quad had a shindig at his house.
I was invited to come by him and the mutual friends we had.
I knew it was a bad idea to come, because Twan would probably call. No one was in my business about my new situation except a limited few.
I decided to roll through for just a little while, mainly to see the mutual friends Quad and I had. We were on speaking terms at this point, but he still wanted me back, and I didn’t have time for all of that.
Things were going well until Twan called.
I rushed to the bathroom to accept the call but it was way too loud.
I excused myself again and walked outside of the house. I began to smile because I could hear my guy loud and clearly.
My mind told me to get my keys and lock myself in my car, just in case anyone tried to interrupt me on this very important phone call.
Nah, everyone is in the house, it will be straight.
We spent 8 minutes on the call, talking and making plans of how thing would be when he got out of jail, and especially how we would move forward.
We still wanted to be together.
All of a sudden, my friend Gee, who knew about Twan and I, but was also great friends with Quad, busted the door outside and started to charge at me.
“Walk away. Walk away, go walk down to the block.” She warned me.
I mouthed out to her, “What happened?” and she pushed me to keep walking.
“What’s going on?” Twan asked.
“Nothing, I don’t even know. Okay so babe-“
“SO YOU’RE OUT HERE TALKING TO ANOTHER DUDE AT MY HOUSE?”
Quad’s voice roared down the sidewalk and slapped me straight in the face.
Who the hell told him I was on the phone with……
I started to walk away faster. “Baby, whatever you hear, don’t believe it. I already told you where I am!” I yelled at Twan.
Quad chased behind me until he was directly behind me.
“So who the FUCK is that on the phone? Huh? Your new dude? WHO IS THAT?” Quad boomed.
“Get the hell away from me!” I said, continuing to run away. “Gee, get him away from me!” I screamed.
“Naw, who the hell is that, Brittany? You chilling with other n*ggas now?? HUH??” Twan yelled.
“No! I told you I am with friends, and I told you it was at Quad’s house!” I yelled. “Twan, don’t trip!”
You have one minute remaining.
Gee continued to yell at Quad as Quad kept stepping to me. “SO THIS IS WHAT IT IS?”
“It’s been over between us! Get over it and get over ME! I done told you that!” I shook and screamed.
“So you couldn’t hold shit down for me, Britt? God damn, you couldn’t do it. You needed more male attention than me? You got your old dude up in the house with you and shit?!”
I soon realized this was a battle I was going to lose. I kept persuading Twan that I didn’t do anything wrong, but when a man behind bars hears another man’s voice, they have all reason to suspect anything.
He got insecure on me.
You have thirty seconds remaining.
“Twan, damnit, listen to me! I don’t have much time!”
“No, fuck Brittany! Tell her to get outta my house! Off of my property!” Quad screamed, banging on the fence.
“If that’s not your dude, then why the hell is he so mad?!” Twan continued to howl.
“Cause he wants me back but I don’t want him, Twan! Damnit, I want who I’m on the phone with!”
“Nah, forget you! It’s over! You dumb ass little girl! I hate you!”
Your call has ended.
I stood still, tears rolling down my face, and my phone slipping out of my hand and onto the sidewalk.
It was over.
I lost my man.
Stay tuned for next week, sippers.
The Urban Storyteller, Bree