I’m here to serve another cup of tea. Hope yall are ready to sip.
It’s a bit of a scorch.
This week and last week has been a bit hectic! School is back in session and it was definitely time to pull out my planner again and schedule out my life. Nevertheless, I’m having a great two weeks- just getting back into the groove of things. Shoutout to everyone who’s also back in school grinding; graduation on the way! Spring 2016 for me 🙂
Last week, I opened up and talked about a very vulnerable chapter into my life when I discussed the relationship, or lack thereof, of Deuce & I.
If you remembered clearly, I did mention that there was something that Q and Deuce had in common.
Could you all guess what it is?
And no, it isn’t marriage…
I won’t say that Deuce being a father caused us to split up completely, but I have to admit that it played a major role into why we never really progressed.
For all my ladies out there who have encountered this problem like me-you know, always meeting men with babies-it’s something very common these days. Most women can swallow it up and deal with it with no problem. And then you have some women where it would make them hoot and holler and almost lose their doggone sanity because of the baby mama drama.
And let me not be bias, fellas, it can be hard for yall too. Baby daddy drama isn’t the business, either.
Gather round sippers, Ms. Bree has yet another story to tell. Grab those tea cups while you’re at it, too. Maybe bring two.
You vs. Them
“Damn! Why did this negro have to have a baby?”
Those were my exact thoughts right when I met Deuce and when he revealed that part of his life to me.
Now if you are an avid reader of TBB, you already know that this is not my first encounter with men and children. Shoot, my very own high school sweetheart had a baby on me and I didn’t even know it.
And I didn’t stand for it either.
You would think, more time has passed, more maturity would show into these “men”…
Heck no, no, and no.
Some of you may think to yourself, “Well, why do you entertain guys with kids anyway?”
Honestly, I have gotten that question a lot. Quite frankly, I date people because I see potential in them. I won’t penalize every single guy for having a child young, or whatever age they may be. That’s my business, and that is my preference. For things not to work out with me and that person, it would have to be deeper than just the issue that he has a child.
But, different strokes for different folks.
Everything was working out fine with Deuce and I until I got a call from him one day; it was actually a couple of days before his birthday.
Surprisingly, it was about baby mama drama. And he wanted to discuss it with me.
I sharply inhaled as I asked him what was going on.
“I am so mad right now, yo. So I am trying to go back to my hometown, you know, to spend time with my family, and she’s threatening me talking about ‘Oh if you leave for the weekend, I’mma tell everyone that you ain’t been doing SHIT for this baby! And you’re not gonna see MY baby either!’ Bruh, all I wanna do is go home and she spazzin! She tends to forget who went grocery shopping and put food in her house, who went with her to all the doctor’s appointments, going to birthing classes and shit, and who did her damn homework when she was too sick to do it her damn self…”
My eyes widened in disbelief and before I could say something out of character, I bit my tongue profusely while he continued to express his anger.
If she’s spazzin about him going back to his hometown, then she’s gonna set it off when she hears about me…
Continued thoughts ran through my head.
She sounds crazy as hell… I mean who gets mad that the father of their child is going back home to be with their family… I wonder if they are still messing around.. Maybe his man part has her talking greasy like that…
“Bree? You there?” He asked loudly.
“Yeah Deuce, I’m with you.” I scratched my head and paced my bedroom floor. “Look, you know what you have done for your kid, and no one can take that away from you, not even her, and how mad she is. Keep doing what you have to do, and don’t let these threats fool you or make you pop off. She will use it against you.”
My calm tone seemed to cool him off and I often founded myself staring in the mirror, because I couldn’t believe he called me about something like this. Not saying he couldn’t call me, but shoot, not about no baby mama drama… But regardless, that was my rider, so I did my job- ride.
That wasn’t the last time we had a conversation about her (and we’ll keep her name just like that- “HER”) because then she started to step her game up.
She continued to post pictures of them on her social networks, portraying that they were still together and that they were the “perfect family”.
I nearly split my wig and that’s actually what our first argument was about- Her.
But after the steamed cooled off from that very heated argument, she didn’t post not nann photo of him or them again- even till this day.
But she didn’t stop there.
Nights he would be with her to co-parent their child, mysteriously, I would get calls and when I would pick up, no answer.
But to top it off, not only was she calling me and hanging up and when I picked up, she decided to block me from his phone for a whole weekend.
I thought the whole time Deuce was ignoring the heck outta my texts, until I called, and realized I’ve been blocked.
Deuce & I were on great terms at this time, so us talking everyday was the usual. And when I didn’t hear nothing from him, and shoot, I couldn’t say anything back, I knew who the culprit had to be.
He ended up calling me off his homie’s phone because he thought I was igging him. The conversation that started off mysteriously turned really funny when he looked through his phone to discover that my contact was blocked.
“So you letting her go through your phone now?” I quizzed him.
“You know better than that. I don’t have a lock on my phone.”
“Typical.” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I’m over there spending time with my child.. And you know I’m not on my phone when I’m with my kid..”
“Well, she knows all about me now. She had to go through the text messages. How else would she know to block me?”
“Man, imma call you back.” Click.
I guess he called himself taking care of business that night.
I was wondering if this was God really testing my patience- giving me someone who was a great guy but just had baggage, or was this a way of God saying that my future husband will have kids and maybe he is trying to equip me for the Tom foolery early on.
Nevertheless, the situation that grinded my gears the most was when I ran into him at the grocery store.
With the baby.
Cause I knew she couldn’t be too far behind.
Them going to the store together wasn’t anything new to me. He was the breadwinner and he made sure he provided for his child.
But I never planned on seeing it in action.
He was by the deli in Publix grabbing some lemonade when I looked off my phone and seen him.
“Hey!” He said extremely loud in the store.
I was a bit startled. “Hey honey.”
His child began to coo in the stroller that Deuce was pushing.
I tried my hardest not to make eye contact with the baby. Quite frankly, I didn’t want anything to do with the child as of yet. So, I didn’t want the baby looking at me either.
“What you in here getting?” He asked.
“Just some juice and snacks. Heading to a little shindig.” I said, looking around. I was a bit annoyed, because I knew she was in the store.. somewhere.
He instantly read my vibe. “She’s in line.”
I scoffed. “Oh, yeah, my spidey senses were tingling all up and down this place…”
He shook his head. “I ain’t hear from you all day. You alright?”
“Yeah, I was at work all day and it was busy as heck. We can talk tonight, though.” I said, rubbing his cheek.
“Alright sounds good, cutie.” He rubbed my cheek back. “Well, let me run…”
I rolled my eyes and fake smiled. “Yeah, go handle that.”
I proceeded to walk to the 10 items or less line while he went over the checkout line, 3 lines behind me.
And I knew I was the target.
I proceeded to check out my items and I could feel a hole being burned in the back of my head something serious.
I didn’t look back just yet though.
See, I could be trifling and blow a kiss at him on the way out. Tell him he was looking gooda than a mofo, but I wasn’t gonna make her mad just yet. I was not going to make her my business yet.
When I took my receipt from the cashier, I turned back to find her staring directly, and I stopped in my tracks to stare back. He looked at me with a disapproving stare and then I glanced back at her. I nodded my head one good time and walked out the exit of the store.
I wasn’t gonna make her my business just yet.
Until I needed to be.
Until it would be proven that Deuce & I were going to be in a committed & serious relationship, she was not my business.
And neither was their child.
Who knows, maybe they rekindled and that’s why Deuce has vanished from the chapters of my life.
And then there was this cat, we’ll call him Montana.
Montana and I started off as friends, but for the first time, someone saw me outside of the home girl role (sarcasm).
I was hesitant to get anything hot and started with Montana because he too, had a child.
Man, why do I keep attracting men with kids?!
I never had to deal with his baby mama cause quite frankly; I didn’t let things get too deep with Montana.
But that doesn’t mean I was skeptical of what he was doing with her, and why the heck he needed to talk to me while doing it.
But when the evidence of Montana and the mother of his child taking trips and shit surfaced, them enjoying the weather of the cities they encountered and eating lavish foods, the phone was already hung up before I could get my hands and acrylic nails on it.
Baby, it was a wrap.
Ladies, and gents, it isn’t easy to meet someone who’s really bout it bout it.
Along with that, it is easy to find ladies and men with kids these days. It’s the norm, clearly, and it’s nothing that will really go away.
There are some people who strictly stray away with people with children. And that is their preference.
I’ve stated mine; I won’t punish a man for reproducing and then wanting to date me. What I do have an issue with is the balance of it all. If this man makes the cut to be my man, can he actively be a father too?
Deuce could never officially be my man because the balance was not there. He did not know how to be a father to his child and be a man to me.
And that is okay.
Ladies, you don’t have to deal with inconsistency just because he has a child! In the beginning, Deuce tried his best, which was a great try, to be present in my life, and of course, more present in his child’s life. That is what I want from him. And if putting me on the back burner is going to help him be the best father he can be, then baby, set me free.
And that’s what happened.
Montana is just a prime example of what goes on every day.
“Naw, I don’t fuck with my baby mama.”
“Man, I can’t stand her!”
“Naw, it don’t even matter cause she messing with some other n*gga now.”
And the lie detector determined….
That was lie.
Follow your intuition. I can’t tell you if you should date a man with kids or not, because there is so much more you need to look at before determining if he even makes the cut for being your man.
Kids can make yall or break yall. Literally.
There are no success stories here, but I see plenty. There are men out there who can actively date you and be the best dad in the world. With no excuses.
He just has to have the motivation to do the two.
Till next week, yall. As always, leave your comments and let’s have a discussion. I’m open to it all. 🙂
Have a safe and fun Labor Day weekend!
The Urban Storyteller, Bree