What it is, tea sippers? Glad to see you back this week.
“If Loving You Is Wrong…” had a lot of you inspired, stirred up, and a few of you were… fired up. Nevertheless, you all were impacted and I served my purpose by sharing my experience.
In the same breath, please understand that I do not share these experiences to make the character who may have been spoken of “look bad”. This all serves as a source of inspiration and strength. You should always be comfortable with yourself, no matter if you were a bad person in your past life, or if you were an “angel” your whole life.
Do you and live. Don’t guilt yourself.
Don’t let your past haunt your future.
As for TBB, me & my experiences will rock, rock on. If you’re rocking too, then baby, let’s roll!
Once again, I have to take out the time to personally thank those who were touched by ANY post I have written (especially “So Unpretty”), who became motivated from my writing, and who continue to support me. Thank you for letting my passion ignite the true person in you!
Finding the truth in anything can go one of two ways. It could work out for the better, or its actions could play out for the worse.
Finding the truth in people is a bit more perplexed. If you’re in something held sacred as a really close friendship or even a committed relationship, you can’t get anywhere if you don’t receive any truth from your partner. There is no true progression in anything false.
Except that once the falsifying evidence has come to the light, you can do one of two things: fight or flight.
But then you may think, when is enough really enough?
Or you might ponder, how come no one fights for anything anymore?
My only determinant to it is: Is it worth it?
You’ll find yourself asking your girls, “Man, why won’t he just act right?”
Let’s get into tonight’s cup of Lipton tea, with a little brown sugar in the mix.
It’s a little unique. Has a bit of a twist to it.
” I miss you in the day.. I miss you in the night…. I miss the way we used to talk, but I don’t miss your lies…”
I bumped K. Michelle’s, “Miss You, Goodbye” as I drove down the road in pouring rain, singing my heart out, voice hoarse, nose stuffy, and my eyes welling up, because it was then I realized…
It was over.
I invested six months of my heart, my time, and my energy into a man who in reality, I thought I knew, but was a stranger all the way through.
My poor little heart had to be pissed off at me again. How did I let something like this happen to us once again? I mean, didn’t I learn the first time?
It’s natural for us women to always blame ourselves first hand after what someone else has done to us.
Like we are the ones unable to perform. Unable to meet his standards. Unable to fulfill the needed requirements.
When sometimes we cannot even fill the void within our damn selves.
We rely on a man to do that.
A repeat of “So Unpretty”.
We’ll call him Deuce.
Deuce came not too long after I went through all that drama with Q. It couldn’t have been at a better time, honestly. I was open and inviting to another opportunity to try this thing called dating, which maybe, just maybe, could lead to that thing called love.
Deuce had something in common with Q, but I won’t reveal that just yet.
If you think about it, then you could probably figure it out.
Heartache was soon on my way, but my mentality pushed for the opposite.
I dusted my ass off and tried yet, again, for something true, blue, and damnit, real.
I met Deuce at my job. He was actually my patient at the time.
Shoot… I was just trying to make my money, and hey, I so happened to meet a man.
As many smiles Deuce brought me on our initial dates, and throughout the days and nights we would text from sun up to sundown, he matched them all with a frown.
I used to bounce around my job, peaking at my phone to see if he had texted me. I spent extra time in the mirror than usually just in case he ever popped up to see me. I had butterflies every time he reached for me.
But it didn’t last too long.
It’s funny how women let the one thing that makes them so happy make them become so sad, stressed, depressed, and burned out; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I think that often happens when women put their all and give their all into a man too soon. I truly believe it makes men much more comfortable to let them do what the hell they want to do.
But in this case, he didn’t show me that. He showed me what I was looking for. I had what I was longing for.
When I got caught up in Deuce and how well he was treating me, what did I do?
Some of you may say, ” Okay, she must have said or did something to mess things up with him.”
The other half of you may say, “She believed his actions and went with the flow.”
If you guessed choice number one, then you’re starting to know your tea server a little well.
I let my insecurities of my past of troubled dating and relationships yet again, get in the way of something potentially great. I ran Deuce away with my actions and at first, I was not apologetic about it.
See, that was that pride in me.
“Well, he was gonna dog me out anyway.”
For once, something was actually my fault.
It was actually my fault why he went away.
Because I couldn’t face the music. Because I didn’t believe in him like I thought I did.
Remember how I mentioned that women tend to block their blessings?
Because I thought my heart would finally be good with him.
Well, I blocked this one in every way possible.
This caused me to yet go through another self-evaluating process and check the hell outta myself, because I thought-that for once and for all- I was over my past shit and I wanted to move on.
Hell, I needed to move on.
I wasn’t trying to be like Mary J. and sing the same ole song.
Damn, even Mary moved on.
I was never Deuce’s woman and I think that is what got to me. I punished myself for months for pushing away someone who I once adored and thought was great for me.
“I hate you’re not the one… I hate you’re moving on….” K. Michelle sung in the background.
God has a funny way of working.
After reconciling for something that was stupidly done, I still wasn’t satisfied.
He then placed me in the friend zone.
Tuh. Me? Bree? The Diva? Ms. Juicy?
He had me more bent than a paper clip.
I realized that I wanted him in my life as something rather than nothing at all.
And I took it.
And I suffered.
And I tortured myself.
“Oh, I can change his mind. This is just a phase.”
Because I couldn’t be just friends with a man I felt more for.
“Maybe you’ll see what we can be, and then you’ll come around…” K. Michelle sung gently.
Deuce was my G. My rider. My partner. My joker. My friend. My crush.
And my man, in my head.
So did he really expect to just be my friend? Did he feel nearly as much as I felt for him? He was never one to express how he felt.
And that’s where I went wrong.
As many smiles he gave me, he gave me more growls in between. For more reasons than you can imagine…
Even within this “friendship”, I never was treated as a friend. Calls would go unreturned, texts would never be answered, and hang out dates were always cancelled.
I can’t make him act right, though.
He isn’t my man, I can’t scold him on what he’s exactly doing wrong.
He isn’t even my friend, I can’t even communicate what the problem is.
Knowing my feelings that I had hanging in agony could only get me so far. One day those feelings would get tired of hanging, and would no longer breathe oxygen like you and I.
And it did.
And it hurt. Like hell.
My really good friend who we will address as Melanie, was riding the wave with me ever since I started riding with Deuce.
She rooted for him at first, because she knew all that I had been through.
But she also told me that he would be the reason of our demise.
I thought I could make him act right, though.
I spent months reaching out to someone who was emotionally unavailable to me. I spent time trying to put in work to make him be the best man for me.
But I couldn’t make him act right, though.
I waited six months to share a passionate kiss with someone who didn’t share a butterfly in his stomach with me.
Little did I know that kiss was a goodbye kiss, because this had to end, and it had to end faster than it began.
I swallowed my pride and poured out my feelings to him. Literally.
And I didn’t even get a reply.
“Oh, you can’t say I didn’t try, it might make me cry… Oh, it’s gon hurt, no lie, I miss you, but goodbye…” K. Michelle screamed at me.
I couldn’t deal with the in between, the sometimes texting, the lack of attention.. Deuce had me on my shit and I was ready to get off of it. I was ready to be inattentive, unavailable, and uninterested in him.
Deuce was clearly undateable.
When times were good, they were great.
But I couldn’t make him act right, though.
You ever feel like you just want to shake somebody sometimes? And maybe their sense will return to their head?
You ever want to just slap somebody up because they just won’t act right? Because they just can’t get it together? Because they didn’t follow the script that you had written in your head?
It was one thing if Deuce was still on the argument we had the first go around. If this was his way of revenge, he didn’t have to come back around.
But he came back with an intention. An intention he made unclear every single day, and I should have been smarter to bring that intention to the daybreak before investing anymore into him.
But playas fuck up too, right?
Men, you can’t decide that one day you want to pursue a woman and do what is intended to pursue her and then treat her like she is just a “friend” to you the next.
Women, understand that this is not the way anything should start. Understand that if these actions are demonstrated to you, you aren’t a priority. You are not what he truly wants.
You’re a play toy.
A Game Boy.
An Atari or even a Nintendo 64, if you’re an old soul.
My really good friend, who we’ll call Ace, told me something literally the weekend before I had to cut Deuce off.
“Men are natural born hunters. They know what they want, and they go for what they want.”
I wanted Deuce more than he wanted me. Once upon a time, Deuce was the hunter and I was the prey.
I was slipping when I turned it the other way. He was my prey, but he didn’t want to be hunted.
Damn, what changed?
Ladies, please assess and comprehend that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, a man will only act right, IF he wants to act right.
Don’t sit up here and make excuses as to why he isn’t being the way he used to be towards you, or why he isn’t being a good person or man to you period.
All you are responsible for is what you do to a person.
In my case, I took responsibility for what I did way back when in the beginning and we moved past it.
Or so I thought.
Because I still couldn’t get him to act right, though.
And after six months, I realized the fate of it all.
“If there’s any hope, my head says ‘Let it go’, but my heart says, fight for, fight for, who you love…. But I’m giving up….” K. Michelle shouted with pain.
I had to let him go.
Ladies, it’s best if you let go of your “Deuce” as well.
No matter how tight he holds you, how passionately he kisses you, and how beautiful he says you are, you need to know when you have put out way more effort than your “partner”, and you need to determine when enough is enough.
How can you fight with no opponent?
Believe what is right in front of you. As soon as he shows you who he is, take it and run with it. Don’t treat it as fiction, a fallacy, or a fable.
Chew it and swallow it all.
Don’t lie to your eyes- believe what is right in front of you.
I’ve heard many women say..
“Oh, I got that act right.”
“Yeah, this thang will make him act right.”
Well if you think that some punani will make a man act right, then baby… You’re in for a treat. Punani ain’t exclusive. You ain’t the only with the “tightest” one, either.
A man will act right if he wants to act right.
If he wants you, he’ll show you. He’ll tell you.
If he intends on making you his woman, then he will make you his woman.
Ladies, we love to dream and we love to be confident that we will change their minds and we will make them fall in love and want us and need us but in reality….
Unless they want to.
Vow to make yourself acquainted with the truth in front of you.
You could be living in a lie because you allowed yourself to.
Deuce was my lie and I loved it.
But I loved myself more.
My sorority sister K. Michelle said it best.
“Can’t wait for someone to see my worth…”
Don’t wait to exhale. Exhale now.
If you follow my personal Instagram account, I posted something that may give you ladies just a little bit more motivation to get your mind right.
“Ladies, just a reminder that there are better looking men out there with an extra inch than the one who’s playing games with you.”
Now you can look at “inch” as in he has more to offer than the bum you’re messing with. Or, you can take “inch” literally and fantasize how that might be for you…
The choice is yours. 🙂
All I want to illustrate is that there is always better. Don’t settle for a guy’s piece of hell when you really deserve more than a slice of heaven’s cake.
Know yourself, know your worth.
Drake didn’t have to say that though.
If you think about it, no one has that “act right”. Someone is good to you because they want to be.
And if you are getting the opposite, understand its because they wanted to be.
Think smarter, not harder, my lovelies. Sip your tea slowly.
Till next week.
You’re in for a treat.
You know the drill!