It’s been awhile, guys.
Two years to be exact.
Many of you wonder why I stopped writing, stopped blogging, and virtually, just stopped everything.
To be honest? It was a fear of mediocrity. And a horrible case of writer’s block. I didn’t want my material to bore the same readers that I used to amuse and enlighten. Life came into play- some chapters of it flying at me faster than I could actually catch it. It happens.
I needed growth.
Two years ahead, in 2015, after much urging from my family, my friends, my readers, and most importantly- myself- I am ready to return. I am ready to pick up the pace and get back into my passion of blogging; my passion of writing.
Of course, many things have happened from 2013 up until 2015. Here and there I might make a reference, but I am pleased to be back in the present and get certain things that have been on my mental, out to you all.
My passion restarted, starts now. Hope you get back into the groove and enjoy.
Unavailable, Uninterested, Undateable
“Damn, his vibe is so right. Like, girl, it’s been awhile since I could kick back and show someone the real me. I mean no boundaries, a few set limitations. It’s in the perfect place. It’s still in the same spot as “Let me kick back and tell this negro what’s really wassup” because I feel so comfortable around him, but still feel like “Ooh shit, I got butterflies!” cause my phone’s ringing and he’s calling me. You ever felt like that? I mean you could just tell that the bond, no matter what would happen after, would just be there forever? I mean, regardless if we never enter a relationship, and we never get past a friendship, that shit would still be lit? It’s an amazing feeling. After all the shit I have been through, I don’t wanna lose this. Nah, not this time, girl…..”
I think every teenager, young lady, or grown woman can relate.
You meet a man who you just instantly click with. Without any preliminary feelings of a high level of like or possibly love, you feel as if you meet a good friend. A great friend. Someone you could see, talk to, kick it with, skate with.. Do everything with. You talk sun up to sun down, thinking “Damn, I don’t ever want this to end.”
You think that after a while, you may be in too deep, but the bond was too strong for you to even care. As long as he was there to either greet your day or commence your night, it was all good on your side. You were in there.
Dates come into play, and you know he is paying. Physical touch of hands and interlocked fingers has your heart swaying. And you’re still thinking “Damn, this is too good.”
Or you could be that woman thinking, “Damn, this is too good to be true.”
But it’s been a while since you could hang around someone just as cool as you, maybe, even cooler.
But as a woman -or maybe it’s just me- throughout all of this, I learn to keep my feelings in check. Yeah, sure, I love to go with the flow like the next chick, but see, maybe that next chick doesn’t have a high running mental like me. A two steps ahead of you mental like me. The looking and analyzing you efficiently mental like me.
Let me proceed.
It’s essential for women who run like me to keep our feelings in check because as easy as it was to say yes when he asked you to kick it, could be as easy as your heart screaming yes when your mind asks, “Am I falling for this dude?”
Don’t get it twisted. I have never been afraid of something turning into commitment. But throughout my 22 years of living, with douches and slime balls in between, I can tell you one.. or two things.
1. Keep your feelings in check.
2. Establish what is before you fall into it.
Sure, why can’t I relax? Why can’t I see where it goes? Why must I ask so many questions? Can you not go with the flow?
Because I’m a woman. I’m a woman who is familiar with the scorn. I’m a woman who does not care or long to return to that scorn.
Most importantly, I am woman who knows what I want.
I do not knock spontaneity, but everything with me cannot always be a surprise.
You see, I say all of this because as women, it is important to know what you already want when it comes to a man. When it comes to a friend who, shit, could possibly become that man you longed for. What fucks it up, is men who cannot do the same. And most importantly, won’t be honest and real about it either.
Let’s hit my 3 points in the title of this blog.
Unavailable. When a man becomes unavailable, what is a woman’s first thought? Most likely, it could go one of two ways. Either a rational thought which could possibly later on turn into an excuse (if abused): “Oh, you know he does have two jobs so he could support himself, okay, it’s cool” or an overreacting thought: “Nah, something’s up. Now all of a sudden he ain’t got no time for me. What’s up with that shit?” I would be lying on everything if said I never thought of both of these reactions when a man tells me he isn’t available. Sometimes, I think worse things than that. What is important to consider is, you know, when you were actually getting to know this man, did you know what was already on his plate? Examples could be school, like law school or med school, him having multiple jobs to support himself, him having a child or children, his limitations because of the law, etc. Now, considering what is on that plate of his, how much of it are you willing to handle? Put up with? If you’re a woman like me who requires quality time, this could be problematic. However if you are also an understanding woman like me, you can foresee compromise. How many times can this man be unavailable to you before you realize that maybe you are too available to him? How many times can he cancel before you decide to cancel him? And okay, let’s say you aren’t the old fashioned type- you are in the new age where the man does not always have to, or rarely, initiate things with you. How long will that last, sistah? I bet your next complaint would be “Why can’t he just act like a man?” Not saying that just because this man maybe told you no a couple of times, that means he isn’t a good man, or that he is not interested. What I want to share exactly is that no matter what a man has on his plate, he will invest into what he deems worth it. That requires time and availability. Will you be put on the schedule this week, or shall we reschedule for another month?
Uninterested. Honestly speaking, the lack of quality time will surely create a lack of my interest in you. And this section does not apply to anything long distance, because that is totally a different situation. Momma always told me that a man interested will pay you some mind, and pay you some attention. With that being said, I hardly ever did anything to get a man’s attention, unless it’s a direct hit, one on one, loud and verbal, something close to a cat call, but just a little more subtle, and throughout it all, I’ll make it just a tiny bit obvious that I may want you. That’s more likely when I’m feeling a little bold, and I must admit, it makes some of you men uneasy. Back to the program, I can almost assure you- and this goes for men and women- the lack of availability will lead to a lack and/or loss of interest. I guarantee you. How long can you flashback to the time yall went out to Cold Stone for ice cream, and you haven’t seen that man in two months but he lives down the street? How long will you re-read text messages to re-feel that feeling of butterflies and bubble guts like everything is peaches and candy when he hasn’t contacted you in about a week? The lack of availability will always determine your level of interest. So sit by the window or by the phone, girlfriend, if you want to. Ain’t nobody that damn busy but the President, and hell, he still makes a way. If that man wanted to see you, he would make some sort of time for you. And if he made time for you, now you probably wouldn’t be staring at your phone, now would you? You wouldn’t be questioning his interest, let alone yours, now would you? Check yourself!
Undateable. Figured out the equation yet? Unavailable+ Uninterested= Undateable. If a man or woman (let me not totally discriminate against my male readers) does not set that available time they have for you, it will cause a decrease in your interest, which is also a decrease on their interest because if they were interested, their availability would be more present, which leads to that male or female simply being undateable. Sure, you can choose to be friends with a guy you like that you would want to kick it with frequently, but he can barely give you time every two months. As long as you can understand those terms, then hey, it’s cool, mama. Keep those feelings in check though. Don’t dream about more when your reality is right in front of you. You make that negro dream about YOU and the next time he can kick it with YOU. Ladies, do not forget that all of this is a privilege! If you know this man you’re involved with is unavailable, understand that he is most likely uninterested or not that into you, so why would he be worthy enough to date? Honestly speaking, a man could never be my man if he doesn’t reverse this equation. He needs to be available (he better still go to work, take care of priorities, and make time for me), which illustrates his interest (and will increase mine) which equals that he is possibly worthy to date me (because of course, this equation isn’t the only thing you have to master before I exclusively agree to be yours). Take your crowns back, ladies. Any man is lucky to have you, and if he is such a narcissist where he feels that he is “the oh so worthy” one, cross a line through that dumb dump of slimy sloth trash. A real man won’t stay sleep on you for long. As long as I am still waiting, I know yours is on the way.
So ladies, before you think that potential guy you been kicking it with occasionally could be something just a bit more, remember this equation: The Triple U equation, if you want it proper. And within that, always remember to keep your feelings in check. There is no worse feeling than misleading yourself. Before you fall, make sure that mummafrucka is willing to catch your ass! Baby, I have many bruises on my rump to prove this! And secondly, establish what it is before falling into it. Ain’t nothing worse than trying to paint a picture on an imaginary canvas. Don’t you ever invest all of you until that man has proved he is worthy for you to do so. That man better knows what he wants, and baby if he hasn’t have the slightest clue, cross a line through that confused sack of brains of a scaredy cat. Tell him to go and get it together, and grow up while he does it.
Feel free to leave a comment on the blog, on my Instagram (@salutemeorshootme_juicy), and/or shoot me a Tweet (@OhEmGee_SoJuicy) using the hashtag #TBB or #TeaBreeAndBreathe.
Hope you enjoyed, my sweeties. This isn’t the last of me this time, I promise.