THE FIRST TEA TESTIMONY!
“WHEN THE FIRST DATE GOES WRONG!”
Now my fellow tea sippers, I am stepping to the stove to serve yall some real word this evening. Now, now, I-I know that there will be many experiences in life, amen? A-a-a-and with these experiences, come lessons, amen? Now what type of tea server would I be if I didn’t spread these lessons to my tea sippers? Na-Na-Nah that wouldn’t be right! So today, ladies and gentlemen of the Tea Sipping Congregation, I give you, My Tea Testimony!
Alright. Let’s keep this thing OG. Ya girl is starting to venture out and dare I say it… meet new people! As self-sufficient as I was (and still am), I wouldn’t really give anyone the time of day. But chile, LOOK AT ME, exploring more than Dora!
So I met this guy, chile.. We’ll call him…. X.
Now I know yall looking for me to spray him real good. I ain’t that type of chick, but my experience is just too funny to keep to myself.
To sum the beginning of this horrendous yet hysterical adventure, we met one random day in person and started talking for a couple of months, just as friends. Nothing serious, nothing major. But you know how you “plan” not to go any further with someone, but you kinda do anyway?
That’s what happened.
Now, X and I were supposed to be going out. He told me to choose the restaurant of my choice and then we would catch a movie. Okay, sweet. I finally tell him my decision on where I would like to eat (I won’t disclose it for exposing reasons, but it was NOT anywhere expensive). On the other end of the receiver, this is what I hear.
“Uh, how much is it? ‘Cause I’m on a budget.”
*inserts 0_0 emoji here*
Um, say what? If you’re on such a budget, why did you ask me out to begin with? If you were really “budgeting”, why would a date be on your list of priorities? If you were on a budget, then YOU should have picked the place.
Now I found this a bit insulting.
*T.I. voice* Let’s be clear.
- I don’t need you to take me out.
- Therefore, don’t you ever feel obligated to do so.
- I handle my own.
- Come correct when you step to me about my time and my business.
So of course, with the mouth I have, an argument arises.
I go on and on about how I felt like that comment wasn’t necessary and told him how it made me feel. Of course, with those mortals known as the opposite sex, they always want you to drop it.
I, my friend, am not a dropper.
Shoot, sometimes I will beat that dead horse until its spirit ascends and I’ll beat it dead again.
Let’s just say… we both got our points across.
I take a minute to cool off after he “checked” me (which is still hilarious to me), and decide to just get ready.
So you know I got my music up, singing and dancing as I’m ironing and getting ready to head out.
Now ladies, yall know about that women intuition that we all have..
I am VERY in tune with mine.
My gut told me to call him and to confirm that we were going. I had a feeling that something just wasn’t right.
My fears were confirmed.
“Well, after buying some things for my place, I don’t have as much cash as I thought. Can we reschedule?”
I tried to be understanding by seeing that he was just moving to the city and had to settle in. I honestly remember my first time moving out on my own and I almost bought the whole store.
So I wasn’t mad. Just disappointed.
Especially since I was already fully dressed.
Nevertheless, he extended an invite to his place that way I could see it, get to know him and help him with anything.
I had to take some time to cool off, so I hung up and found yet another outfit to wear.
About 45 minutes later, I’m headed out to the place, practicing my “woo-sa” technique the whole way there.
I pull up and park, getting my mind right, praying that I won’t have to pop off tonight.
He met me outside, and we embrace in a hug. Everything was pretty cool.
I get to his place, and honestly it looks like nothing. But wait..
Now in my head, I’m like, “Didn’t you just spend your cash on things for your place? But yet your place looks like…. Never mind B.”
I shook the thought and I observe the tiny area we were in.
He cuts on the TV and turns to ESPN. Okay, cool, maybe he wants to catch up with the latest news and statistics.
Why am I still watching ESPN almost 15 minutes later?
I didn’t come over for this..
So I asked him the nagging question that was on my mind and he finally got the picture and turned the TV off.
My whole intention was to try to get to know you on a personal level, not watch this weak TV you got in this scrawny room.
As we begin to finally talk, he decided that he would like to play this ratchet music in the background.
Wait, was I not just speaking though?
This boy was dancing around the room like it was all good and telling me to get up and dance with him.
Uh, no sir.
My closest friends know that 90% of the time, I’m a serious person. But when I start acting up and being silly, I’m one of the funniest people you could meet. But when it’s about my time and my business, i.e., you trying to get to know me so where we could see where we stand and where this could go? Now was not the time to be dancing.
That’s just me though.
I’m literally sitting here looking at him getting hype to Rich Homie Quan and some other artists and I can tell that he was jamming hardddd.
I knew from then that this wasn’t gonna go well. At all. It was kinda funny, nonetheless.
He finally calms down and decides he would like to continue the conversation.
Now, the whole time, I’m accused of having an attitude because I’m not dancing, because I won’t be all touchy feely, because I didn’t wanna cuddle.
Like, ARE YOU MY MAN?! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!
I don’t owe you ANYTHING!
The whole situation made me feel like a sophomore in high school all over again. I’m grown. I ain’t with this mess.
I’m starting to reveal things about me that way he could get a better sense of who I am, and he just seemed bored with it.
Now as I woman, I know when I’m boring someone (which is pretty much impossible) and I believe a lady knows when to leave (not quoting Carlos from “Madea’s Family Reunion”. Carlos is the guy who was beating the daylights out of Lisa.) I know when someone is not listening to me, and I am very adamant about speaking when I know I don’t have your undivided attention.
Yeah, this was definitely a wrap.
I decide to wrap things up and look for my shoes to put on. As I am leaning over, I hear one of the most ratchet things that has ever been said to me.
“Man, why you ain’t tell me you had an a** like that?”
Oh yeah, you’re definitely not a man. That’s that freshman in high school mess.
Jesus, he has got to be kidding me. What I look like sitting here bragging about how big my rear end is and why would I tell you about it anyway? I’m not the type to brag. If you see it on me, then clearly you see it there.
But why is that important? As long as we’ve been communicating, rear ends weren’t a topic of discussion. Now that you see me in person, you want to try me on some heaux sh*t and see what I would do?
Don’t play with me.
If you know me, my stank faces are vicious. I shot him a disgusting glance and shook my head in disbelief. Before I was gonna annihilate his whole character, I asked him would he walk me to my car.
I repeated the question with sternness in my voice.
He looks at me and sighs deeply, not moving an inch.
Oh, I couldn’t believe this crap! If you are not gentleman enough to walk me to my car, you certainly don’t deserve any time of mine.
I came to see YOU, so the LEAST you could do, is walk me to my car. It’s late, I’m young, and I’m a woman. That’s a hazard to my life if I walk by myself.
But at that time, I told him you can stay right where you’re at. I’ll walk my damn self.
Of course, he then tightens up and decides to put on his shoes.
Not to mention, throughout this whole ordeal, he keeps exclaiming that he’s hungry.
The heck you looking at me for? You said you spent “all this money” on your place so if you were smart, that would include putting food in your house. But you only got a pack of hot dogs?
*Rick Ross voice* SOMEBODY LIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeez, this was a hand delivered lesson from God!
As he walks me to my car, he notices that there is a Domino’s nearby and he wants me to drive him to it.
I couldn’t laugh any harder.
As we’re nearing the garage where I parked, he utters,
“Is this good enough or do I need to still walk you all the way to your car?”
WAS I BEING TRIED AGAIN?
LOL NO SIR. NOT AT ALL. HAVE A GREAT HUNGRY NIGHT.
“You know what? Forget you and goodnight.” I chuckled all the way to my car and speed off as he’s still on foot, on a quest to find food.
So bottom line, ladies and gents, it is imperative to see someone in their natural state before you pursue anything with them. I just thank God that I was able to see this early in the game. It saved me so much time and energy and most of all, I can share this lesson with other people so that this doesn’t happen to them.
Yes, you’re welcome.
Now because of that experience, I could label that all guys aint sh*t. Of course, that would be inaccurate. I’ll just keep weeding out all these irrelevant beings until I find the one who’s worthy.
And make a mockery of those who claim to be men in the process.
Gentlemen, I suggest you ask your momma how these types of things go. Get right before you get left… like X.
Ladies, it is okay to accept someone’s flaws, but you should never accept pure bullcrap.
With that being said, keep your bullcrap tolerance low and your standards sky high.
NEVER SETTLE! Baby, we as women, deserve better!
As long as you recognize yourself as a queen and you act as such, you should only be looking for a king to match your worth.
Until then, control your queendom solo!
CHEERS TO THE QUEENS OF THE WORLD! *holds tea cup in the air*