“Monogamy or whatever you call it
I’m starting to think it ain’t for everybody
Most of us is rushing into it anyways, you know what I’m saying..”
Listening to the few words Wale says on his most popular single “Bad” with Tiara Thomas, I thought about if I had a dispute to his statement but I realized that I couldn’t even say he was incorrect or that his statement was invalid. This leads me to something deep…
Now at first a lot of people were pretty foreign to the word, and quite frankly, most still are. Let’s be 100% correct on this, okay?
According to Merriam-Webster, “monogamy” is defined as “the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime” and/or “the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time”. But can everyone really apply that to their lifestyle and not only have a commitment to their partner, but a commitment to monogamy?
Alright, start sucking your teeth now. Start talking about how this isn’t possible and how you would never find yourself with only one person for the rest of your life. I’ll wait.
*slowly puts tea cup back onto the saucer*
Let’s be quite honest. A lot of you claim that monogamy isn’t for you because of the following reasons, and for each reason, I will go more into depth.
- I don’t have time for commitment
- I have been hurt too many times to be committed to someone again
- I would rather be by my damn self
- N*ggas Ain’t Sh*t/B*tches Ain’t Sh*t
- We don’t love these heauxs (peep my lingo, this means “h*es”)
I promise yall.. I am at my computer containing excitement because I’m really gonna let you all have it. Many of you trifling humans hit my last nerve with this ongoing debate.
- I don’t have time for commitment.
Child, please. A wise woman always told me that you make time for what you want to make time for. Your pathetic excuse of “Nah, I don’t have time to be committed to one!” is just a cry of help saying that you are indeed scared. There is not one person on this planet that can tell me that relationships and actually being with someone does not cross their mind. And if I sat there and told you that I don’t do it myself, despite the way I sometimes feel about the opposite sex, I would lose all of my credibility right now. You have some employees in Corporate America and even owning their own firms, constantly circulating their life around their work, wealth, and huge success. Being buried into layers of straight paperwork and stress and the last thing on their mind is someone to share it with? Shut the front door and sit your happy a** on the couch because you really need a timeout for that one. I don’t care how much money you wipe your butt with after a hot spicy bowl from Chipotle or how much you sneeze from the haters that you claim you are allergic to, YOU WANT SOMEBODY. So MAKE the time for it. I always believed that money would hold me tight at night, but just because it feels good having it and spending it, doesn’t mean it’ll always be there. Try looking for something maybe a bit more permanent, and if it doesn’t end that way, then hey, on to the next one!
- I have been hurt too many times to be committed to someone again.
This is the quintessence of the song “Bad” by Wale. And you chicks are singing it like it’s your national anthem, but yall really don’t understand the true meaning of the song. If you’re quite lost or offended by that last statement, you can depict the meaning of the lyrics here, courtesy of Rap Genius: http://rapgenius.com/Wale-bad-lyrics
But I digress. I have been a victim to this popular reason of why I wouldn’t waste another second of my time into another male individual. Notice how I didn’t say a “man”. Quite frankly, it’s because I haven’t been with a real man, and I’m not ashamed to say so. But dealing with the males that I have spent time with in the past, I was able to say (back then) that I was truly too good of a woman to ever be committed to anyone again. Thus, this creates females who want to “think like a man” and do the things that “men” do. But what true benefit do you get from that? You are still acting out of spite and you’re really doing it for the wrong reasons, but this makes you feel better at night? Shoot, happy sleeping then. But what I came to realize, after almost twenty years of existence, is that I can’t keep blaming past mistakes on the next guy. I know, it’s “simple”. I can’t keep having the assumption that he will hurt me when I haven’t even given it a chance. And if I do want to blame every guy for the previous guys’ mistakes, I can bet money that they won’t stick around for it. What real man would? You are disrespecting his character and most of all the feelings that he has for you. Now even if he does end up hurting you, roll with the punches and let Karma do its work. At least you are showing yourself that you are trying, you are growing, and when faith is kept alive, more work will be put in. Stop making excuses just to cover up the patches that you have in your heart. Heal yourself, and then let someone help you along the way.
- I would rather be by my damn self.
First off, have several seats. I agree that there are designated time eras where one wants to just be alone. But for the rest of your life? Nah. I can preach on this because these words always flew out of my mouth just as fast as Kanye spewed “Beyoncé had the best video of all time!” at the VMA’s. Chile, I thought I was hot sh*t when I walked around with my nose in the air, degrading any male that walked my way and gave them the most stuck up attitude when they tried to “get at me”. I swore up and down that I wouldn’t need a man for sh*t and I would always get it on my own. Trust me, my personal friends can vouch for me. It was a very cold period in my life, but it was because I was really setting myself up for a life filled with resentment and bitterness; trying to duck the one thing I wanted the most. I’m a woman and I can be honest about my ways, and when you start to do that, the healing automatically skyrockets. As I stated before, all the money in the world can make you who you want to be and even bring you people that you want in your life, but it’ll never replace the deep insecurities and flaws that you still have within you. As much as women and men scream that the single life is where it’s at, just stop. It gets old. It gets redundant. And the thought of someone besides your family and friends caring about your well being is something as humans that we all desire. STOP FIGHTING IT. Be real with yourself! If you can’t do that, then how can you do that anyone? Live in a lie if you need to, but trust me, it’ll kill you.
- N*ggas Ain’t Sh*t/B*tches Ain’t Sh*t
I don’t even have to quote all the female and male rappers who constantly use this excuse to shield them from the kings and queens that they wish they could find AND keep. I am guilty of telling my closest friends that n*ggas didn’t amount to anything so why should they represent value into my life? You know what I then realized? That my number one problem was that I was giving my time to n*ggas, when I should have started paying men attention. Same thing goes for fellas, stop giving these b*tches attention and require a real woman to earn it. Stop REFERRING to yourself as just being a b*tch and/or a n*gga and DON’T YOU DARE slap a “nice” adjective in front of it to make YOURSELF feel better. You are what you call to! The sad thing is, you are calling yourself this but yet you tend to get mad at others for referring to yourself as such! GET YO LIFE! Stop LIVING LIFE like a b*tch/n*gga and maybe you would be treated as something much more! You want to blame the world for your problems when you are the main source of it all! So, if all it requires is a cheap b*tch with no self repect or a “real” n*gga with wads of cash to steal your heart, then I’m done talking. I’m done preaching to those who keep looking at life in an ignorant perspective. Yall don’t really hear me though. You look for the simplest thing walking so indeed that is WHAT you will get! Have your STANDARDS higher and maybe you wouldn’t have to SETTLE for a b*tch or a n*gga!
- We don’t love these heauxs!
I’ll keep this short.
- Yes, you do in fact love the heauxs.
- Everything you DO is for the heauxs.
- Therefore, you will attract heauxs.
- Your life will be surrounded by heauxs.
- Your money will be spent on the heauxs.
- Your swagg would all be a show for the heauxs.
- Your manhood can’t resist the heauxs.
- You’ll end up slipping up from dealing with the heauxs.
- Then you’ll realize that annoying woman you constantly ignored, was a woman with value who only wanted commitment with you.
- But you’re committed to the heauxs.
- You’ll call all women heauxs because that’s only what you’re exposed to.
- You’ve failed as a man, but succeeded with the heauxs.
Drop them comments.